So you met this guy who unexpectedly turned your world upside down. You were two strangers bound to be friends, until he asked you out. In between phase of getting to know each other some more, you realized that he’s the guy holding the string of your heart. You felt the special connectedness with him – like elements that make up a perfect chemistry.
You were smitten by his undeniable charm – brown eyes that resemble autumn leaves; his smile that warms you inside like glowing ember; his laughter that sounds better than your most favorite song, playing gently in your head.
You thought he’s the one, and that a relationship’s worth it.
Everything felt alright at first. Sunshine and rainbow were all you see. He loves you, he said. You believed because he makes you happy. No doubt.
You both stay wide awake until wee hours, exchanging phone calls and sweet messages, like you never run out of words to say. He sends you gifts and flowers to make you feel special. He reminds you not to skip meals, and that you should take care each time. He did things that made you believe it was real love.
In turn, you did your best to keep the ball rolling in your relationship. You gave more than what you took, because you believed that would sustain both of you.
It has been like that until your ground began to crumble under your feet. It shifted from a constant motion to static.
He changed all of a sudden. And you didn’t see it coming.
You wondered why, and you said it can’t happen just like that. As if waking up, to a room full of shards, the whole scene chaotic, while you just went to bed the night before and everything still looked perfect.
You asked why. What could have gone wrong? What have you done wrong? Weren’t you good enough? You bombard yourself questions. And to make the situation more pathetic, you asked him the same.
But he didn’t answer. He let the questions hanging like morning fog, and left you even more confuse. Worst, he left you hanging at the brink of your failing relationship – without goodbye, without closure.
Later on, you found out he’s already with someone else.
It hurts a lot not knowing the answers to your questions. It hurts a lot that the pain cripples. And you beat yourself the same question, over and over again until you become jaded.
You always thought that when you love so much, with all your heart, it will be enough to make him stay.
You always thought that when you look your best – you cut and style your hair the way he likes; you spend on the perfect-fitting dress to look beautiful or presentable for him —it will be enough for him not to go chasing after other girls.
You always thought that when you make every conversation smart and interesting, it will be enough to keep him talking with you – about just anything, everything.
You always thought that when he knows what you are afraid of or what you dream about, or what you hate or what you love, he would learn to keep you away from all your fears or what you dislike and draws you near to what makes your heart sing its content, but no.
For him, it wasn’t enough. He hurt and left you still. And you blame yourself: if only I could have done better.
Let me tell you…
It wasn’t your fault, dear. It wasn’t your fault why he took you for granted, and let you after all. Don’t be too hard on yourself by blaming you. You are beautiful, smart, and you deserve so much more – more than the love you pour out. Don’t let one guy or one heartbreak downgrade your self-worth.
This may not answer all the questions in your head, or reverse the truth why he let you, know that you’re more than just being enough or good enough whatever. Sometimes, one can only love as skin-deep, and does not appreciate when you do or give more than what is enough. But with a guy who has a seeing and sincerely loving heart, it doesn’t matter whether it’s scarce, or enough, or too much. Someday you will meet a guy, the right one for you and all of these questions won’t matter anymore. But if it will set your heart free, I hope that by the time, you will finally find answers to all your questions. Not from him, not from anyone, but from you – from within.