So Maybe I’m A Masochist

There are nights when I feel my heart in chaos
Haunted by memories, a girl of sullen hope
Nights when I want to beat myself crying
Until I fall asleep, tear-stained cheeks
I think of all the things opposing goodness
Like it’s necessary to make my heart beat continuously
Like blood the needs to be circulated in every vessel of my body
Like it’s the air necessary for breathing

Sometimes I do think that I’m a masochist
And that my body wants to feel so much pain
More than it could take
And that it wants more and more of it
Like a carnal craving, a desire that wants to be pacified.
12.17.2015 xxx

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